Thursday, March 10, 2011

Life in the Married Lane

Today is my 5 month wedding anniversary!  Big deal you might say, but I am love, love, loving being a wife.  I like the step-mamma gig, although I have to admit, it is harder than I ever thought.  Not because Cutie #1 and Cutie #2 are tough to work with.  They are (in my professional opinion) just about the BEST bonus kiddos anyone could ask for.  We get along very well and they seem to like me okay.  I've been very surprised at how much I enjoy being a Step-parent, particularly because D and I never planned on having children.  I do have a tough time not over stepping my role and I have to reel myself in because Cutie #1 and Cutie #2 already have their own Mom, whom they live with part of the time.  I can only imagine how it must feel to her to know that her children do like me and consider me to be family (they have stated this to their father).  They mentioned this in front of their Mom and she got very upset about it.  It annoys me to know that she got upset about this in front of Cutie #1 and #2, but I also can understand her feelings.  I think I would probably be upset if the roles were switched around. 

The hard part has been dealing with Hubby's ex-wife.  It's not hard because we aren't civil to each other. In fact, as far as dealing with ex's goes, I think Hubby's ex-wife is just dandy.  I know how bad it can be working with ex's so, I'm pretty good with how things are with our whole situation.  The hard part, is the emotional baggage that goes with our situation. I have to see and talk to her alot, which is very awkward to me.  I have not ever been in this sort of situation before.  I think it is really the whole idea that kids were created with someone Hubby no longer loves.  It's tough for me because part of me thinks that I might actually want to have kids and Hubby definitely seems done with having more.  He's told me he'd be happy if we did, but is definitely not wanting to plan a child at this point. 

I find that sometimes I'm sad that I will not get to hear, "I love you, Mom" and I will not get to celebrate Mother's day.  These emotions have really taken me by surprise, but they are there and they are real. It's tough for me to know that he and his ex have this connection that he and I will never have.  I think part of me is a little bit envious of her for that.  I wonder if these are normal feelings for someone who's married to someone who has been married before. . . or am I just a complete and total nut job.  It's been tough for me because I want to have this conversation with Hubby yet there never seems to be a good time to have it.  Perhaps I should ask Hubby to read my blog!  LOL.  Okay followers. . .what do you think?  Have any of you been through this?  Have any of you been the Mom whose ex-husband has remarried and now have to deal with someone like me? 

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