Life can be a little hazy!

Well I feel like I have been walking around in a haze these past few weeks. Not because I'm numb with stress but because I'm actually able to relax and deflate at night. I'm not falling asleep fretting about the day and all the things I didn't get done. I close my office door, get in my car, take my name badge off and away I go!

Maybe haze isn't the right word. I just know that I'm not so amped up all the time. I'm more go with the flow. I feel more centered--even when my days are stressful (and I do have those, but not in the same sense that I used to).

From my MYSPACE blog. . . .

gettin' old
Current mood: thoughtful

So. . .I'm feeling pretty old these days. I mean--I feel YOUNG (much younger than most folks my age I guess) but my body feels like it should starting feeling OLD. Gettin' closer to 30. I know my brain is feeling old because I OVERTHINK everything. UGH.

Not married. Same man for N-I-N-E years! Okay. . . so I really like that part. I mean, he and I have our ups and downs but 99% things are awesome. We balance each other. He's quite and reserved. I'm LOUD, outwardly PLAYFUL. . . . . . .we're a good fit.

Anyway, I look back on my life and I think about all the things that I am thankful and happy for but I also think about all the areas where I don't have closure. Things that I started but got lost along the way. I had so many visions of what my life SHOULD have been and I can't help but see what it isn't. There are so many things that I am grateful for.

So many things that I love. David. My Dad. My career. My educational goals. I'm breaking free from a LOT of debt that I accumulated. My friends.

But there are so many things that are still nagging at me. Did I make my mother proud? Will my brothers ever connect with my dad again? Will always be stuck in the middle? Have I done enough to help the children I serve? Will I ever get out of this county and see what is REALLY out there? Ph.D? Have I made enough mistakes in life to REALLY learn my lesson or have I made TOO many? Do I REALLY "sweat the small stuff" as my dad says? Can I make myself stop that?

hmmm. . . . . I guess that's enough thinking for now! Don't want to hurt myself! hardy har har har har

Currently listening : The Dutchess By Fergie Release date: By 19 September, 2006

What a week.

It has been quite the week already and it's only Wednesday!!!! Monday I spent 90% of the day at the doctor trying to get some new answers with my knee issue. I'm hoping that I as I continue to loose weight my knee issues will decrease. Looks like some sort of knee surgery is going to be in my future.

Then on the work end of things--all of my client's teams are short therapists! There must be something in the water!!! My line therapists are dropping from teams like flies. I'm not sure what's going on. The only thing I know right now is that I have several sets of VERY stressed out parents because they are worried about getting their state required amount of hours in each week and not having staff to fill those hours. Of course, because they are stressed, I am feeling tons of stress too.

That brings me to the other icky thing this week. I went over my points BIG TIME on Wednesday. I pretty much blew them all on breakfast at a conference I was attending. On a postive note, I made very healthy choices the rest of the day, but I still ended up way over. UGH. I guess every day can not be fantastic! Overall, I am really happy with how things are going with WW. I pretty much have lost or maintained everyweek, which has really kept me motivated. I know that I won't loose every week and I'm sure I'll plateau at some point, but for now it's going great.

The next few weeks are going to be VERY busy as I try and fill kiddo schedules. I have a feeling I am going to be working a lot of overtime (without compensation since I am salaried). That's the way it goes though. Some weeks I'm way under so I guess it's time to balance things out a bit!!!